West Charlotte
December 9, 2009
On Monday I saw a 12 year old with an afro, equipped with an afro pick, buy a slim jim condom in a gas station bathroom. Upon receiving said condom for 50 cents, quite the steal, he enthusiastically chirped “yay”!
A lady asked me if my elevator was going down…I told her, “eventually”. (I had this on my fb but I think it’s funny so I put it on here too. Get off my fucking back already.)
On my last trip home I ran into one of my art teachers from high school. I couldn’t remember her name at first, but I was thinking Mrs. Rinkle. The problem was that she is pushing 70 and I feel that if that was incorrect it would be a very offensive guess.
Sherwin-Williams’ (the paint company) slogan is “Cover the Earth”. I am shocked that in these post 9/11 times we still have such obvious bio-terrorists living amongst us in the U.S.
I drove past a used car dealership that had zero cars in the lot. My first thought was, “what a dump!” Then I felt guilty because maybe they are the greatest used car salesmen on EARTH!….either way the lot would be empty…I regret making a hasty assumption basically.
I used to work at a Thai restaurant where they taught me to cook on the industrial gas stove. I was always impressed by how the cooks could manage the dish with their hands, while controlling the gas by moving a lever with their knee. Last weekend I tried making some Thai food in my apartment but when it came to adjust the heat, I caught my crotch on fire.
I am not partial to cigarettes, but I must say, the one advantage of second hand smoke is that it give my boogers a rich, smokey, flavor that I just can’t find with normal allergens.
Since my window for professional sports has passed, one of my major reasons for staying in shape is to allude an attacker. Though, I am not confident that I could hoist my mother over a wall if we were being pursued. This depresses me deeply.
